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Marriage Should be Honored by All

by Don Alexander

Hebrews 13:4 states that, "marriage should be honored in all, and the marriage bed kept pure..." That is what God says in His Word. That is not what society says. The verse goes on to say, "...for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

"In all" may mean "among all people," "in all things," or "altogether or completely." "Marriage" is free from the sanctions of asceticism on one hand and the licentious behavior of libertinism on the other. "The bed" and the relationship of trust and love it symbolizes (Eph. 5:21ff; I Pet. 3:1-8) is to be respected and highly regarded, "honored."

God will "judge" those who dishonor it by general sexual impurity or extramarital sexual relations, "fornicators and adulterers." That includes those who have "affairs" (I Cor. 6:9-10). It includes "marriages" which never should have been consummated because of unscriptural divorces and remarrying (Mt. 19:9). It includes those who are in '"long-term, committed relationships," without the benefit of "marriage," which are sexually immoral and adulterous. It includes those who are sexually immoral even though they are "consenting adults" to the acts of fornication (Gal. 5:19-21). It includes those who are in same-sex relationships, even though they claim they are "monogamous and committed" (Rom. 1:26-27).

The judgment of God will be on all of these as well as the "significant other" relationships which avoid marriage and "husband and wife" relationships. If you want to obey God, you have to do so in a heterosexual, committed and loving, monogamous, and married relationship (Gen. 2:24; Mt. 19:9; Eph. 5:31). Ignoring even the laws of civil states regarding the solemnization of marriage vows in favor of "we know we are committed to each other" won't escape the judgment of God (Rom. 13:1ff).

Now such a relationship in "marriage" is to be "honored by all." There is great honor in being married. I know that marriage is a bitter pill for some whose expectations were self-centered or unrealistic. They have been disappointed that "marriage" did not fulfill all their "golden fancies of all their golden dreams." That the other person to whom they are married is not like them in every way and is at times intolerable and unlikable.

Marriage is like the stock market-investment over the long term, with ups and downs along the way. But it is honorable to commit to one person for life, to grow together but independently, to work the relationship with love and dependence, to grow old together and face the harsh winters of life together. It is less a romantic flight than a challenging journey with scenic mountain peaks as well as desert sun along the way.

But some ask, "What's the big deal about marriage? I don't see how a little piece of paper makes a difference." Those same critics know the importance of a driver's license, a trust deed certificate for their home, a "paid in full" pink slip for their car, and a construction contract for remodeling their home. Their kid's report card, their consent to treat medical form, their Social Security Card, their vehicle registration, their proof of auto insurance card, their bank statement, their 401(k) investment agreement, and countless other "pieces of paper" which formalize, obligate, and symbolize a relationship.

Some say, "But look at the failure rate of "marriage!" The oft-quoted 50% divorce rate of marriages is daunting, and if accurate, sadly discouraging. I am trying to verify those statistics, particularly the divorce rate of only first-time marriages. The statistic quoted would include all divorces, including the second, third, fourth, fifth as well as teen marriages which have a low survival rate to begin with. And, let me ask this question: What is the failure rate of extramarital unions, "significant other" non-married relationships, and the "I'm not currently in a relationship, but I have had many in the past" crowd? In short, what is the failure rate of those who disdain the "little piece of paper?" I suspect it is much higher than 50%.

"It's knowing that your door is always open and your path is free to walk…" My "sleeping bag rolled up and stashed behind your couch" ready for me when I grow tired of you and leave you, but you'll be "gentle on my mind." John Hartford's song, symbolic of the 1960's view of marriage, despised being "shackled by forgotten words and bonds/ and the ink stains that have dried upon some line." The next lover is waiting possibly at the end of the railroad tracks while the former one is "in the back roads by the rivers of my mem'ry that keeps you ever gentle on my mind." Then there was the "we'll sing in the sunshine/we'll laugh every day/we'll sing in the sunshine/then I'll be on my way." Translated, "We'll honor 'free love,’ use each other for sexual enjoyment in fornication, enjoy it, and then move on to other 'sunshines.’" This is a thing of "honor"? Contrast that with the timeless "You are my sunshine/my only sunshine/you make me happy/when skies are gray/you'll never know, dear/how much I love you/please don't take my sunshine away."

Let's consider the "honor" to be given to marriage. The word, timios in the Greek is translated "precious," "costly" in other texts. For example, the foundation of the holy city in Rev. 21:19 has "precious stones" in it. The blood of the Spotless Lamb of God by which we are redeemed from sin is "precious" (I Pet. 1:19). The promises of God which motivate us to godliness are "precious" (II Pet. 1:4). Jesus as the living stone and chief cornerstone is "precious" (I Pet. 2:4, 6). The "meek and quiet spirit" of a godly Christian woman is "precious" in God's sight (I Pet. 3:4). And "marriage and the marriage bed" are timios, too. It doesn't take a scholar to see the value that God places on marriage.

Consider honorable characteristics of marriage: 1. The honor of obeying a Common Creator (Gen. 1:26-27; 2:24). 2. The joy of living outside yourself in a loving partnership. 3. The joy of complete intimacy—sexually, emotionally, spiritually. 4. The security of a pattern of relating over time. 5. The knowledge of "right living." 6. The rewards of trust and selfless love. 7. The satisfaction of the deepest needs of mankind. 8. An effective environment of support for handling life's trials together. 9. The example for future generations and social stability. 10. A grown-up response to the obligations of living in harmony with another.

Marriage is for grown-ups. It is serious work. It is an enduring reminder of the meaning of keeping your word. My parents had their marriage certificate framed and hanging on their bedroom wall. I remember it well. Beige paper, fancy lettering, "curlicues" in red ink along the sides, a shadow profile of a man and a woman facing each other, and these serious words about what they had done and when they did it. I used to look at it as a kid and wonder, "why did they hang this thing up here? They already know they're married. It's not like this thing is an award or something." (I know, strange kid). But it was an "award" to them for 41+ years. It was not just "a little piece of paper" to them. It framed their whole approach to each other and their kids. It reminded them of their vows made before God, and they never wanted to forget it.

That's the way it is with marriage. To those who despise the "shackles" of marriage and the "bonds" that tie, I say "GROW UP!" Baby Boomer friends, Thirty-Somethings, and Gen-Xers. Stop looking for "greener pastures," "freer love," and "perfect sexual liaisons." Consider marriage as God intended it. He does not require everyone to marry nor does he condemn being single. He does not honor every marriage just because two say "I do." But those who have the right to marry, who love deeply and selflessly, who commit "for life" to the other for nurturing their relationship in the fear of the Lord, these will be blessed. And at the end of time, when you have lived well and loved well, and served the Creator together, you will hear him say, "You honored marriage and in doing so, honored me and vindicated my will in a sinful world. Well done, good and faithful servants. Enter into the joy of your Lord." It doesn't get any better than that.

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